I just read this blog post over at Abandoning Pretense in which Kristen Mae gives the thumbs down to all those “Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids” lists floating about, and I was like, “Whew! Thank God someone is letting me off the hook.” I’m all for people pursuing positive parenting with patience and aplomb (sorry, got a little carried away with the alliteration there), but never? NEVER?
“Never” reinforces this sort of oops-you-did-this-BUZZ!-now-you’re-a-terrible-parent vibe that I’m basically totally sick of. Like, I’m barfing guilt already, people. Let’s take it easy. Kristen sums up my feelings at the end:
Most of us are working really hard at being the best parents we can be, and we’re doing a pretty bang-up job of it, too. We are good parents.
Yeah. So take that, internet jerks.
That said, there really ARE some things you probably shouldn’t say to your kids. I’ll list them out, in case you’re just about to say any of this. It takes a village, after all.
Things You *Really* Shouldn’t Say to Your Kids
1. Finish your cocaine or I’ll feed you to my shark.
2. I regret letting the aliens drink your blood every night. Tuesdays? Yes. Every night? Too much.
3. Sometimes I watch you sleeping at night and just cry. Oh, no…not in the good way.
4. Heads up: I’m gonna be real drunk at this parent/teacher conference.
5. Wanna take the cinnamon challenge?
6. Take the cinnamon challenge or I’ll feed you to my shark.
7. Hold this land mine real quick.
8. I wish you were more like your sister, if your sister was like someone else’s kid.
9. Hey! That stove is hot! Ehhh…go ahead. We have insurance.
10. Feed my shark or I’ll feed you to my shark.
If you’re saying any of those things, you probably are a terrible parent. Take your internet shame, you! Take it and like it!
p.s. you’re subscribed to Abandoning Pretense, right? Because you should NEVER tell your kid not to subscribe to Abandoning Pretense.