If we know anything by now, it’s that I am a wealth of handy information. Continuing my function as a cicerone for your life’s boundless adventures, I present you with…
I even put the truths in a handy bulleted list. I’ve started with ten. Ten at a time is a good pace for revealing the underpinnings of life, don’t you think? I’ve also started with a dog/motorcycle/women’s clothing/drinking theme. You know, for Easter.
- If you own a loud motorcycle, everyone hates your loud motorcycle.
- Mustaches are gross. There is one, and only one, exception to this rule.
- After the age of 14, women will find that all clothing is made for people 10 years older, or 10 years younger than their current age.
- No one knows what the appropriate age is for a woman to start, or stop, shopping at Forever 21.
- If you own a loud motorcycle, you will always start it up when someone is just drifting off for a nap.
- There is no possible way for you to seem smart after admitting that you like to drink Chelada.
- Ashley Judd is a badass.
- Listening to a lone dog barking rhythmically is a slow but steady way to go insane.
- If you own a loud motorcycle for too long (i.e., any period of time), your neighbors will start to hate you.
- Whether you’re a cat person, or a dog person, you’re still giving free rent and food to someone who makes you pick up their poop.