Truths of the Universe

If we know anything by now, it’s that I am a wealth of handy information. Continuing my function as a cicerone for your life’s boundless adventures, I present you with…





The Universe!


I even put the truths in a handy bulleted list. I’ve started with ten. Ten at a time is a good pace for revealing the underpinnings of life, don’t you think? I’ve also started with a dog/motorcycle/women’s clothing/drinking theme. You know, for Easter.

  1. If you own a loud motorcycle, everyone hates your loud motorcycle.
  2. Mustaches are gross. There is one, and only one, exception to this rule.
  3. After the age of 14, women will find that all clothing is made for people 10 years older, or 10 years younger than their current age.
  4. No one knows what the appropriate age is for a woman to start, or stop, shopping at Forever 21.
  5. If you own a loud motorcycle, you will always start it up when someone is just drifting off for a nap.
  6. There is no possible way for you to seem smart after admitting that you like to drink Chelada.
  7. Ashley Judd is a badass.
  8. Listening to a lone dog barking rhythmically is a slow but steady way to go insane.
  9. If you own a loud motorcycle for too long (i.e., any period of time), your neighbors will start to hate you.
  10. Whether you’re a cat person, or a dog person, you’re still giving free rent and food to someone who makes you pick up their poop.


Truths of the Universe

8 thoughts on “Truths of the Universe

  1. i was really excited because i thought your moustache link was going to pull up a picture of mikie.
    so your daughter had a crappy nap because of the damn motorcycle? suck a duck motorcycle man! and take that dog with you!


    1. Maybe for some kids, but not YOUR kids. Emilie could earn rent in a 10 minute shoulder massage easily.

      Aaahh…the days when your only neighborhood noise was a mooing cow and a hooting owl. But I’d have to give up Lush and Eclipse…


    1. At least chickens try to earn their keep with eggs. But yeah, your rabbit is a big zero in my book. Gets free food and shelter, makes you clean up his poop, and eats your sweater/speaker cables/couch as repayment. Boo, rabbit. Boo.


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